The wisteria that grows over our back deck and hot tub can cause sensory overload right now. The hundreds of giant lavender blooms, strong perfume, shower of soft petals, and the loud vibrations of the bumble bees is mesmerizing to me, and, believe it or not, I'm only including a fraction of the photos that I have. I just couldn't stop taking them! I was trying to get photos of the bees, but the photo above is the only one where I got a pretty good shot of one. There were so many bees, and I don't mean dainty little honey bees, I'm talking about giant, black and white, and hairy bumble bees. These bees sound like mini helicopters, and when they are all together like this the sound is so deep, I think I can feel it before I can hear it as I approach the wisteria.
As if swarms of stinging insects wasn't romance enough, our hot tub also gets showered with flower petals. Is it like being an exotic princess bathing in scented flower water? Yes...sort of. But I'm always scooping smooshy bleached blobs out of the tub because at night, when I can't see them, I think they are yucky drowned bugs when they touch my skin. More of a Gothic romance, really. A tarp covered hot tub surrounded by chickens is my idea of romance most of the time, for sure.
Oo la la! The sexy mermaid lady clothes hook doesn't seem to mind the bees, tarp, chickens, or rotten flower petals. She always wears a come hither smile.
This is the view from the hot tub. My aunt gave me the wisteria when we first bought our house. It looked like a flimsy stick with four leaves. I planted it, and for the next five years it looked like a flimsy stick with four leaves. Then the dog chewed it off at the ground and I wasn't even mad because I had given up all hope of it ever growing into anything worth while. A friend told me once that wisteria like to be abused, and that must be true, because it grew back and ever since it just keeps getting bigger, and bigger. Will it ever stop? What have I created!?
In the photo above, you can see the hop trellis that we just finished, the wisteria at the top, and the orange "killing cone" we used when we did our back yard chicken killing. It's an upside down road cone that keeps the chicken immobilized while it's throat is cut. A gruesome reminder of what we did. As is usual when I'm in the back yard, I had at least on of my chicken entourage. Helen jumped up on a make shift table near the killing cone where I was standing, and I remarked to her that the killing cone and the animal skull were giving my wisteria photos an ominous vibe. While contemplating this wall of death, as it appears, I turned to see what her opinion was... ACK!! HEADLESS CHICKEN!!!!
"Helen! Don't do that when I'm talking about chicken murder! Wait.. do it again so I can take picture. Ha! OK, you got me good. You funny chicken, you!"
Seriously, flip back and forth between these photos and say "head off" "head on" a few times. This chicken cracks me up.
So this is the wisteria photo that I like. The twisting trunk and graceful hanging blooms are straight out of a Chinese water color or woodblock print. So pretty; not threatening or overwhelming.
But this photo gives a better idea of the presence this thing has in the back yard right now. I'm not a good pruner, and this wisteria is not a docile American wisteria native to this area, but an aggressive Asian wisteria. This is a plant considered an exotic invasive pest, that can grow up to seventy feet tall, live for a hundred years, topple trees to make room for it sprouts, shade out native species, and have a trunk with a diameter of fifteen inches. The roots are deep, and when this species escapes to natural landscapes it can be a serious problem. When I look at my wisteria in this light sometimes I think I can see it's tentacles reaching for my house with malicious intent, like a hungry purple headed monster that has a death grip on my deck. But it sure smells pretty.
"Um, excuse me, Mrs. Hall, but you have a little dab of avocado on your beak. Feel free to rub your face in the grass like a deranged chicken, just anywhere you please. Sorry to bother."
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